I often attend meetings outside my normal work. These meetings are usually work related. I use them to keep in contact with people I used to work with and to meet new people I may work with in the future. Being an expert in my field I tend to brag a bit about the work I have done in the past. It is more because I enjoy what I do and when in the company of people with the same or similar interests it can be a great conversation starter.
Part of business networking is the sharing of ideas and thoughts to stimulate business. Perhaps you meet someone who had a similar problem and they share with their solution with you. Or maybe you share some insight from your experiences. Either way you are building a relationship with another business partner or client.
I try not to be critical of people. We all have ways and mannerisms that define us. We often have priorities and obligations that another may not share.
So there I was talking up what I am currently working on when another person enters the conversation. I welcome new people, perhaps he overheard something of interest in what I was working on that might prove useful to his environment.
All of the sudden the person started asking questions. I am not afraid to respond to a question; I answered. Then his questions became more and more like an interrogation. I have run into people like this before. They are out to prove something. To me, in that setting, it was a complete waste of mine and their time.
I answered a few more and was becoming more irritated. Then the poking question came from him. A question directed to show his superiority to me. Not one to dodge a challenge I struck back and responded how incorrect his assumption was. He immediately backtracked the conversation admitting that my point was correct and then redirected to another area of similar interest. Shortly he faded from the conversation drifting to another group of people.
My point was to not up-stage him. But challenged, my natural reaction is stand my ground. Maybe that is an incorrect approach but standing up for your self is a basic human right. I did my best not to sink to his level; present the best case; and prove my point.
Long ago early in my career a supervisor/mentor told me, “Stand up for what you believe is right until you are proven wrong; then accept the right answer.” Often you will find people that bombard you with their point, even if it is proven wrong, to control the conversation. This is why you must stand your ground as long as you know you are in the right. But be willing to accept the other person is right when you are proven wrong.
Given that the events had already happened, how could have this been a more productive conversation? Well the first thing we have to do is pick out the purpose of each individual.
My stance was to communicate my experience and current projects.
His was to dominate and control the conversation. Without being submissive, how could I have promoted the conversation better?
He obviously had a message and he did get that message across. But he failed to back up any of his information with experience. Why did he choose the path? How did he arrive at this particular solution?
As I think about it now I realize he was not as adept at the art of conversation as me. That sounds conceited but we all have abilities that we excel at. I did not always handle meeting new people so well. I am a shy sort of person. You would never know it now. It’s because I saw a deficiency in myself and move to improve myself. And everyone should strive to improve themselves everyday.
I should have directed the conversation towards the questions I asked earlier. This would have performed two things. It would have removed the interrogation style of questioning which was becoming uncomfortable for the others involved as well as myself. It would have given him an outlet to describe how he had come to that solution and showcase his unique answer.
You see his method of conversation was abrasive. It didn’t lend itself to a counterpoint as much to diminish the conversation. By directing it towards the means to the end it can give understanding to how the decision process came about. And by understanding the situation one could comprehend why the solution was chosen in favor of others.
This is when good networking comes into play. Once the problem/solution/process was understood then alternate solutions could be presented. This could lead to making a life-long acquaintance that bolsters mutual respect or new business opportunities.
But not all conversations can be turned positive. Sometimes it’s just better to walk away. If someone is determined to jump off a cliff you can only help them so much before they throw caution to the wind and jump. The most you can be is constructive. Most people will welcome a new, different outlook.
I failed to direct this conversation properly. That became obvious to me after looking back. But we are all fallible, as the saying goes “nobody’s perfect.” But I can learn from this and make myself a better person from it. Next time I meet this man I will take the opportunity to enlighten both of us.